Period: The devil who visits you every month

FYI: THIS IS NOT A RANT, IT’S THE TRUTH

Every time I get my period on a weekday, and I have to get my ass at work, it feels that the whole world is conspiring against me. Period is just one of those things, which when you have it you regret it, but when you don’t, you want it to happen as fast as possible. And amidst this, all we girls get to hear: “It happens every month, get over it.” 

Well, yes it happens every month, and it kills us all. Imagine a constant weight on your stomach, or a high-intensity pat on your back, for each second, lasting 2 weeks, you might get close to what we feel. And, it becomes all the more tough when people try to console you. All I need is a huge space, CAN YOU JUST GIVE IT TO ME, ALREADY?

PMS: The bitch you hate, and so does everyone around you

Yes, let’s talk about it. Just to put it out there, it is more than mood swings or constant irritation. Acute back pain, inability to walk, think or even talk properly, pain to the level of murdering yourself, and more. If you find a psychopathic woman, don’t you dare ask her, “Are you PMSing?” or that will be the last thing you hear in your life. Trust me, the urge to kill is real. BEWARE!!! You might know this feeling, from the one you get when you meet that obnoxious relative at a function, whose only job is to get you married.

PAIN: When nothing else, at least this is there!

No amount of words can describe what happens when this happens. And, to add to that your trainer is busy telling you, “Do your crunches. Today is Ab-workout” GREAT!!! The whole body becomes your enemy, even your friggin’ hair. There are days when I feel I should load up my house with Disprin, Pain killers and Chocolates, but thank goodness to the side-effects, it seems impossible for any cure to even knock on the door.

CRAVINGS: Yes, the enemy of your diet routine

They say cravings are the result of the low level of the serotonin in your brain. I don’t know squat about that. According to me, they are the constant battle between your heart and your brain. And, when you are visited by the demon every month, you lose control of your stomach as well. Things as normal as ice-creams and cakes or as bizarre as pickles and mustard sauce, these cravings have no limits whatsoever. A tip from a Pro: Keep them stocked at least a week before your date!! You can thank me later.

EMOTIONS: You have the ability to cry at a balloon

Emotions are all over the place. Your inability to differentiate between joy and grief becomes minimal. Worst is: movie time. Doesn’t matter if it is a comedy, romance or action movie; a little nudge, and every movie becomes “Fault in our stars.” Ugh! It is all the more difficult when you are already an emotional person. Anger becomes rage, sadness becomes depression, and happiness is nothing. I look like my own version of Vampires.

TENSION: It’s not just the stains, it’s the worry.

No matter the placement of the pads, your worry of a stain gets the best of you. Whether it is a party you want to go for, or an outing, you can’t help but ask your girlfriend, “Check if everything’s alright in the back.” I am sure each one of you will relate to it. I have asked my girlfriends a million times, or probably more! Ohh, the number of times we have used whiteners or chalks on our white uniform to hide these *starts counting*

WEIRD RITUALS: Ohh yes, this happens only in India.

“Don’t enter the temple”
“Don’t touch pickles”
“Don’t enter the kitchen”

I am glad that this doesn’t happen at my home, because we are sane folks. But, the amount of bizarre things I have seen at places. OMFG! It is unbelievable. In earlier times, women weren’t asked to work, because people knew that they go through a lot of pain, but jump to decades later, and this is what we end up with. Girls are asked to sleep separately, have food separately. Even, “Period Utensils” is a thing apparently. Talk about making things up. 

Well, in all the weirdness around periods, we have got to vent it out, girls. It is important. We all know this devil won’t go away (Unless…..you know!). Don’t get over it, but kill the shit out of it. Stop shying away from talking about it. The more you talk, the better.

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