Now, don’t let the title confuse you. It is just a metaphor to highlight that our obsessions as Indians are not focused on the things that matter, but on silliness.
From Make in India ‘Freedom 251’, to the recent demonetization, India’s fixation of being top-notch is just an idea, not an implementation. And, so are Indian obsessions; from our love for the Game of 11 to choosing English as the bar of Intelligence, all are flawed perceptions.
Want A Sorted Life? Become an Engineer
In an alternate world where sorted means clumsy, sure, be one even if you don’t want to. Because, having a degree is more important than having knowledge. India is a country not just full of engineers, but engineers frustrated with their lives. If degrees decided the fate of a person, we would be a country with no entertainment.
Want a Husband? Learn Cooking
If ‘cooking for someone’ is the reason to get married, I would marry myself. It should be a two-way street, and not a one-woman job. And, that’s where it all goes down the drain. No matter how successful a girl becomes, the parents sole job is to get her married, more like a burden they are trying to get rid of.
Want to be Beautiful? Be Fair
Our fetish of ‘fair is the new pretty’ is downright lame. People coming from different ethnicities don’t choose their color or way of living, and it is high time we start treating people for who they are, and not how they look. Our definition of beauty needs redefining.
Want to be Successful? Settle abroad
Because, obviously the success of a person depends on the geographical area and not his abilities. In India, settling abroad is the benchmark to decide one’s success. Due to a lack of effective human resources in the country, ‘Make in India’ seems more of an Idea, than an implementation.
Want to show your values? Get offended
Let’s face it, offense is free. From Tanmay Bhat’s snapchat mania to the Udta Punjab controversy, if it isn’t clear already, India’s favourite hobby is offense. The fact that Indians take offense on behalf of other people is a whole another ball game.
Want a Happy Life? Stars to the Rescue
We believe in how the planets travel more than the living beings on earth. From ‘kundli-matching’ to wearing ‘rings’ to correct planetary movements, we invest more time in listening to an Astrologer than working towards being a rightful human being.
Want to be Smart? Learn to speak English
I mean, I am all for better communication skills in English, but same in other languages as well. When did English become a prerequisite for smartness? If so, does Narendra Modi addressing an international audience in Hindi make him any less smarter?
Seriously, some of our judgments are unreal.
Want to be an Inspiration? Become Sharma ji’s Son
You haven’t truly lived in India unless you haven’t been compared to your neighbor’s child. Every parent’s lecture starts from ‘what are you doing with your life’, and ends with ‘see how much their (a person you don’t even know) child is earning’
The priorities of India’s obsession lie in false pretensions. And, when someone points it out, there is a series of offense that comes along.
Like this one?? Read: Cracking you up!
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